WELCOME, AMIGO

Before you get started, we thought we’d take a minute to save everyone some time.

Are you a fan of vitamin-based, multilevel marketing schemes? Are you easily offended? Will being called out on your steroid use hurt your feelings? If you answered yes to any of the above, this is your cue to leave.

Still creeping? Good. Welcome to WheyCartel, you’re on our patch now so relax a little. Pour yourself a whiskey and read on, friend.

THE CARTELS ORIGINS

We started off as two guys in New Zealand with a passion for fitness, sport and doing epic shit. But there was one problem, the constant BS and marketing in the fitness industry… the duckfaced fitspo models, the bro science, the yoga pants, the 12 week diet fads, the spiked protein, and most of all the social media accounts peddling multilevel marketing supplements (you know the ones) … All of it.

Snakeoil salesman poster

SHIT HAD TO CHANGE

From the very beginning, we wanted WheyCartel to be different. Naturally, we wanted to learn from the very best. And by the very best, we mean legendary smuggler and dead lift lord Pablo Escobar.

Our only problem? A shootout in ‘93 had already dealt to the cartel king. Not about to let that stop us, we did what any fit, self respecting electronic hobbyists would do… we built a time machine.

Renowned for his general resourcefulness and complete disregard for rules, co-founder Rab went to work hunting down the machine’s key components. Succeeding where the CIA had partially failed in ‘74, Rab hunted down the secret location of the Russian submarine K-129 that sunk during the Cold War. With nothing more than 3 balloons, a bottle of helium, and 16,129 feet (4,916m) of hemp twine, he recovered the crucial nuclear material required from the sea floor.

Meanwhile, math god and partner-in-crime Nelson got to work calculating how to reverse the effects of entropy. He figured out the physics and refined the schematics necessary to create a rip in the space time continuum, until, three months and 17 brave hamsters later - we did it. Time travel, bitches!

On December 1st, 2016, we set forth on our journey, travelling back through space and time. Overshooting our destination by 2,356 miles and our time period by three decades, we landed in the US during the summer of ‘43. Unfazed by the wartime hustle and bustle, we headed to Princeton, fistbumped Einstein and smashed out a few sets with the man himself.

Jacked Einstein

After a week training with our boy E, we continued on to Medellín, Colombia. The year: 1977.

One night at a local cantina, we found Pablo, popped open a couple bottles of aguardiente and shared a few cigars with the man himself. Now remember, this is ‘77, when he was still an OG, and before things got out of hand. Surrounded by parejo smoke, bad jokes and good-hearted banter, he opened up and shared his secrets of product refinement, packaging and global distribution.

“What matters most,” said Escobar, a smirk spreading across his face... “isn’t the perfect plan... but your vision, and its violent implementation.”

In that instant, WheyCartel was born.

Pablo Escobar

DON’T CALL US A SUPPLEMENT COMPANY

Let’s get this straight. Yeah, we sell whey protein. And it’s the purest fucking whey isolate you’ll find - 97% protein to be exact. It’s grass-fed and hormone free, with no fillers, no spiking, and no flavouring.

Certain Misc. supplement websites, brands and stores will tell you that you need a full stack of supplements to reach your personal fitness goals. No gains without 10 different multivitamins, whey concentrate and isolate, casein and fish oil, creatine and beta-alanine, weight-gainers and thermogenic fat burners, pre-workout boosters and arachidonic acid, testosterone boosters.... some will even offer other “extracurriculars”. They’ll meet you in the dark corner of your gym locker room and sell you everything you need from their little fanny packs.

Fuck them.

Outside of research-proven supplements such as whey isolate and creatine, a full stack won’t get you to your goals. We’re sorry to be the ones to tell you this. But there’s no way around it. No magic pill. No 7 minute workout… and there shouldn’t be.

Now, getting jacked is awesome - but the real value of training lies in the run-on effects it has into your day to day life. Hard work, discipline, building habits, and surrounding yourself with the right people makes it easier to get strong as hell. It also helps you up your mental, emotional and professional fitness.

Your dreams and your goals are ultimately influenced by your physiology. Start there.

Know why the supplement salesmen never go away? Because parasitic supplement companies live to milk cash from your full-blown body dysmorphia… you giant man child.

Man beast

It’s ok brah, he didn’t mean it.

THE CARTEL. A NO BS APPROACH.

WheyCartel is committed to cutting through the bullshit of the fitness industry. Whether you’re into our scientifically-backed nutritional products, our training advice or our nutritious recipes, we guarantee that everything you get from us will be of the highest quality.

If you ever think something is off with our advice, submit the research that contradicts it and we’ll have one of our sport scientists look over it. If we’re wrong, we’ll amend it.

WELCOME TO LA FAMILIA

Cartel members are a motley crew from a wide range of backgrounds. We’re a curated group of athletes, personal trainers, adventurers, entrepreneurs, hustlers, professionals, moms, dads, students and upstanding community members… We could even be your neighbor. Probably the hot one.

But we all have two things in common.

We have zero tolerance for bullshit. And we want to grow in all aspects of what we do, not just getting jacked - GET STRONG. DO EPIC SHIT.

Join us.

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